People Power: The power of living with integrity – November 2024

By Sam Allman

“If they ever tell my story, let them say I walked with giants. Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die.” This quote comes at the end of the 2004 film Troy, directed by Wolfgang Petersen. It is spoken by the character Odysseus, as he reflects on the legacy of the warriors who fought in the Trojan War, conveying a sense of admiration for those who achieved great deeds and whose names would live on in history, even as the lives of ordinary men come and go. The imagery of men rising and falling like winter wheat suggests the transient nature of life, while “names that will never die” refers to the immortality of legendary figures in memory and story.

While I was considering the subject for my next column, this quote came to my mind, and I began reminiscing about some of leaders of this industry I have met, have known personally, and with whom I have rubbed shoulders: Peter Spirer, David Kolb, Ralph Boe, Phil Gutierrez, Howard Brodsky, Alan Greenberg, Jeff Loberbaum, Sonna Calandrino, Terry Wheat, Rose Blumkin, Gene Barwick, Jim Walker and David Gheesling. I have missed more than few. We admire and honor these “warriors” because of how they have molded this industry into what it is today.

Then I spoke to Kemp Harr, who shared his experience of introducing Dan Frierson, chairman of the Dixie Group, as one of the honorees at the Floor Covering Industry Foundation’s Gala in Gotham. Kemp has known Dan for years. Here are some of his comments about him from his introduction: “He is one of the finest men I’ve ever met.” “There is no ‘I’ in Dan’s vocabulary.” “He is gracious, kind, calm, pensive and principled-with integrity.” “He does the right thing.” “He’s gentlemanly and genuinely interested in people.”

What was interesting to me was that Kemp mentioned little of his business prowess, his intellect or his ability to get results. I don’t know Dan, but it sounds like, overall, besides being a great leader, he is a good person. Kemp recognized, admired and honored his goodness.

As I thought about it more, other names came to mind of whom I could talk like Kemp did of Dan. Most would consider them ordinary people. Their stories and names probably will “rise and fall like winter wheat.” What does this mean? It means that ordinary people can be honored and admired for their goodness, though their observed deeds do not merit “greatness.” The characteristics of goodness align with ethical values and societal expectations, fostering a reputation that others respect and honor. The fact is good people are respected and honored because they positively affect the lives of the people they encounter. That’s why, to me and my siblings, our father’s legacy and name should never die.

GOODNESS IS GREATNESS
My experience in this industry, as well as my brothers’, started with our father, Samuel Allman, Jr. He was an ordinary man. He was a good man. His life exemplified his values. He walked his talk. My father taught us so much about life, work, honesty and how to treat others. It is easy to honor his memory and legacy because he affected the lives of many, not just his family, but his friends, associates and his customers. It makes me happy when someone says, “You’re a chip off the old block!”

You may not care whether you are honored or respected. But it’s a fact that being respected or honored brings benefits that are difficult to receive in any other way. True respect and honor must be voluntarily granted. They cannot be purchased, coerced by force or demanded. They must be given freely. Being honored imbues individuals with influential power by elevating their reputation, credibility and authority within a group or society. When someone is honored, they are recognized for embodying values or achievements that others admire, creating a positive perception of their character and abilities. This recognition translates into increased personal power. My recommendation is to seek goodness because the benefits are enormous.

Characteristics of goodness are a result of our choices, our values, our vision and our actions. Goodness can be taught and developed. It is available to anyone, and anyone can choose to have it. You do not have to be a decorated warrior, a hero or a superstar. You just have to behave like a good person.

WHAT IS INTEGRITY?
A good person is often described as someone who exemplifies positive moral qualities, such as kindness, empathy and integrity. “Moral qualities” refers to characteristics or traits of an individual that relate to their sense of right and wrong. It is a disposition or tendency that guides a person’s behavior according to ethical principles and values. Moral qualities shape how individuals interact with others, influencing their decisions and actions in a manner consistent with justice, fairness, and the common good.

WHY CHOOSE INTEGRITY?
First of all, one of the profound benefits of striving to be a good person is the sense of personal fulfillment it brings. Acting with integrity, kindness and empathy aligns one’s actions with their inner values, creating a sense of purpose and inner peace. This alignment fosters self-respect, as individuals who consistently do what they believe is right experience fewer regrets and a stronger sense of identity. Choosing to do good does more for us than it does for those for whom we are doing it. Living as a good person also strengthens relationships with others. People are more likely to trust and respect those who act ethically, creating networks of mutual support and fostering a sense of belonging.

Secondly, being honored generates personal power, an influential power that enhances trust, expands social networks, confers moral authority, increases persuasive strength and creates a lasting legacy. This personal power is conferred willingly, and sometimes unconsciously, by those conferring it. It’s generated by the awareness of goodness and greatness. This recognition allows honored individuals to shape the behavior, beliefs and decisions of others more effectively. Through honor, individuals become influential agents of change whose impact extends beyond their personal achievements. Those who honor others choose, whether they know it or not, to allow themselves to be influenced by those whom they honor.

WHY THE COMMITMENT TO BE A GOOD PERSON IS DIFFICULT TO KEEP
Despite its many benefits, maintaining the commitment to be a good person is challenging. Real-life situations often involve conflicting interests, ambiguous circumstances or competing values, and our ego can get in the way.

How do we prioritize others over ourselves? Most of us are naturally selfish. Being a good person often involves giving up personal comfort, time or resources to help others. In a world that rewards self-interest and individual success, choosing to act selflessly can feel like trying to control a raging elephant.

How hard is it for you to practice empathy and kindness, especially in the face of ingratitude or hostility? It can be disheartening when good actions go unnoticed or are met with resistance. Doing the right thing can be discouraging when we encounter indifference, ingratitude or anger.

Finally, personal flaws and imperfections can make it difficult to stay committed to goodness. Human beings are inherently imperfect and prone to moments of anger, fear, jealousy or selfishness. These emotions can lead to impulsive actions that contradict one’s moral values. Again, how hard is it to control a raging elephant?

CHARACTER TRAITS OF THOSE WE CHOOSE TO FOLLOW
Honor from others is often generated by certain human characteristics that reflect moral integrity, social responsibility and admirable behavior. Some key traits that tend to elicit honor from others include:

Empathy: At the core of being a good person is empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Empathy enables individuals to consider how their actions affect those around them and motivates them to act in ways that benefit others. A good person is often willing to help others without expecting anything in return.

Integrity: Integrity is consistently adhering to moral principles and being honest, even in difficult situations. It shows reliability and a commitment to doing what is right. A person with integrity does what is right, even when it is difficult or when no one is watching.

Respect: Respect for others involves acknowledging the dignity and worth of every individual. A good person values diversity and treats people with fairness.

Humility: Humility is displaying modesty and not seeking personal recognition or praise, even when deserving, reflecting a focus on the greater good rather than on personal ego.

Forgiveness: Holding grudges and seeking revenge can perpetuate negativity, whereas forgiveness enables healing and peace.

Courage: Courage is the willingness to face fear, adversity or challenges with bravery, especially when standing up for what is just or for the benefit of others.

Loyalty: Loyalty is demonstrating steadfast support and commitment to individuals, values, or causes, which builds trust and garners honor because it shows dedication and dependability.

Selflessness: Putting the needs and wellbeing of others above personal gain or comfort reflects generosity, compassion and selflessness, which often lead to admiration and honor.

Wisdom: Wisdom is possessing sound judgment and insight, especially when resolving complex or morally significant situations. It shows discernment and responsibility.

Responsibility: Responsibility is taking ownership of one’s actions and their consequences and fulfilling obligations reliably because it demonstrates accountability and trustworthiness.

The power received from striving to live a life of goodness by consciously choosing to ingrain the above traits into one’s persona leads to self-control, ethical behavior and proactive living. In addition, the admiration and honor received imbues one with the power to change the world. As Mohandas Gandhi said, “If my story is ever told, let it be said that I walked alongside honorable men. Ordinary men fade like the turning of seasons, but the names of the good endure, living on through the lives they touched and inspired.”

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