People Power: The power of being respectful – June 2024

By Sam Allman

Certainly, one of the blessings of being retired in a modern world is the ability to travel long distances in a short amount of time. At my age, time is precious, and I know I have to use it wisely. Traveling teaches lessons we can learn no other way. I have learned from traveling that the most beautiful things in life are not things-they are people, places, memories and pictures; they are feelings and moments, smiles and laughter. Amazingly, my pictures of the people and places reignite my joy long after my travel experience has ended. They also remind me of the lessons taught me by my journeys.

A “RESPECTFUL” LESSON
We just returned from a cruise to Japan and Korea. The memories are great, but the lessons were even more impactful. Almost immediately upon our arrival, it became very apparent how similar other Asian countries-including, Vietnam, Thailand, Hong Kong and Taiwan-are to Japan. If you have ever visited one of those countries, I am sure you were amazed by how respectful the people are in their everyday living. Even though they may not understand or do not speak English well, if you ask them something, they will listen, smile, nod…and bow. This does not necessarily mean they understand you; they are being friendly, polite and respectful. Interestingly, I always reciprocate and bow as well. Respect is contagious.

The expression of respect is rooted in Asian culture. Respect is seen almost as a religious duty. Derived from Confucianism, respect for authority and elders is a fundamental part of their culture. Children are taught to be reverent and be on good behavior with everyone, irrespective of financial status or position. This is why you will see children who are well-mannered and have a strong character, too.

My experience in Vietnam several years earlier was instructive. I will remember it forever. We were riding in a bicycle rickshaw moving toward a traffic signal of a four-way intersection. There was bumper-to-bumper traffic in all directions, but there were very few cars. Crammed across three lanes going each way were motorbikes, bicycles and rickshaws carrying people or bundles of almost anything you can imagine. It was both scary and crazy. We thought we were going to die because everyone was moving toward the middle of the intersection from all four directions. It was very chaotic-apparently, in Vietnam, a green traffic light means “go,” a yellow light means “go” and a red light means “go.” I saw T-shirts for sale there that confirm that fact. But no one was honking or yelling. They were just respectfully trying to get through the intersection on their terms, while allowing others to do the same. The progress in all four directions was slow, but everyone eventually made it through the intersection safely.

I was so impressed that in the middle of this complete mass of people moving forward that no one was stuck or stationary. I called this mass of people in perpetual motion going in four different directions at the same time “respectful chaos.” In America, road rage, yelling, screaming and honking would have been the norm. People have even been hurt or shot.

I thought my parents taught me about being respectful to others, but the Asian cultures take it to a whole new level. Respect is a due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights or traditions of others. Bowing in Japan demonstrates that regard but with far more levels of nuance. Japan is a society that is obsessed with social hierarchy and everyone’s place in it. Contrast this with Americans’ visceral dislike for hierarchy and insistence that everyone is equal. I’ve wondered why Americans are not more respectful. Is it because we now believe that no one is better than anyone else? In Japan, respect is built into the culture in ways that may have been true in the U.S. 75 years ago but certainly aren’t anymore. Respect and politeness go hand in hand, and Americans seem to have traded politeness for intolerance of almost any sort of behavior.

Thirty years ago, when we moved from California to Atlanta, Georgia, I was amazed. There were still vestiges of courtesy and respect in the American South. Neighbors smiled and waved at each other. On the roads, Georgia drivers were mega-respectful compared to what we had experienced in the American West. In social settings, parents exemplified respect, and children were expected to master it. I remember a babysitter we had for our children. I tried hard to get her not to call me “sir.” I would plead, and she said, “Okay, I won’t call you ‘Sir,’ Sir.” Southern gentility stood out to me.

THE POWER OF RESPECT
Respectfulness is a potent “people power” skill. It is a tool of influence and is fundamental to any relationship. It is a tool of effective leadership. The power of being respectful engenders the development of other characteristics that increase “people power.” These characteristics are easy to admire, and they increase the potential of being honored and revered by others. Honor is a very important source of power in leadership. Being honored for our character is more important than being honored for status.

The most apparent characteristic of respectful behavior is politeness. Polite people are nice. They apologize when they offend and are concerned about others’ feelings. Respectful people put themselves in the shoes of others. They seek first to understand, then to be understood. Practicing good listening improves empathy, which increases influence because it increases trust. Respectful people are humble because they are also interested in others and are willing to learn from them. Respectful people are consistent in their words and actions. In addition, choosing to be respectful opens opportunities to hone other personal characteristics and skills, such as helpfulness, appreciativeness, thoughtfulness and attentiveness.

If you are interested in being a leader, exhibit respectfulness to whomever you meet. That means you give them due regard for their feelings, wishes, rights or traditions. You will be surprised how that respect is reciprocated. Think how the divisiveness in this country would dissipate if we all participated and exemplified respect. We should be able to disagree without “canceling” each other.

Our country was built on free speech, which includes dissent. That dissent has brought changes: the end of slavery, women’s suffrage, the end of segregation, the end of the Vietnam War, the protection of LGBTQ+ and women’s rights, etc. In a democracy, there will always be changes needed, and dissent will always be a crucial part of the change process. But dissent has to be exercised within the law. America has become the greatest country ever because of its values and system. The beauty of its system is that the system is not personality based, nor based on archaic principles but on moral ones.

In a free, democratic country, change is slow, arduous and messy. Authoritarian states can make changes more efficiently, but I’m not willing to give up my rights to influence those changes by letting some king, dictator or despot decide for me because it’s more efficient. America has problems-it has since the beginning-but at least we know that whomever we elect as president this year we will not be stuck with for longer than four years. What a relief! A king or dictator is usually in power until they die.

THE POWER TO CHANGE
Our youth may be disrespectful, entitled and spoiled, but it’s probably not all their fault. My trip made me aware that as a people and a country, we need to do a better job with our children in teaching them the power of respectfulness and responsibility.

Apparently, people under the age of 30 are so unhappy that, for the first time, they dragged the United States out of the top 20 happiest countries in the world in Gallup’s 2024 World Happiness Report. Where does their unhappiness lie? On the heads of the parents, the nation or the American way? What has caused a select few of our youth to cry “Death to America”? Their solution to our country’s problems is to destroy our system. My concern is that many of them have lost hope and given up on our system and its ability to change.

Our country has had existential threats before: our government’s debt, the growing gap between the “haves” and the “have nots” and the slow disappearance of our middle class, and the divisiveness among the population may lead us to another. But we have weathered crises before, and we can do it again. Our system works. I wonder if our youngest generation really knows this and believes it.

A 2019 survey found that Americans have an abysmal knowledge of the nation’s history. The Woodrow Wilson National Fellowship Foundation surveyed 41,000 Americans in all 50 states and Washington, D.C. Most disturbingly, the results show that only 27% of those under the age of 45 demonstrated a basic knowledge of American history. And only three in ten Americans could pass the citizenship exam. How can one pay respect to our flag, our country, our forefathers or the rule of law if nothing is known about how and why America exists? Do they know of the sacrifices and the struggles made to make America the home of the brave?

Our country’s birthday is next month. Maybe we ought to bring our families and friends together to celebrate and remind ourselves why we should respect each other, our country and our country’s flag. Some of our youth don’t seem to know.

Copyright 2024 Floor Focus 

Related Topics:RD Weis, Shaw Industries Group, Inc.