People Power: Surviving and flourishing in comfort – Feb 2024

By Sam Allman

We were not built to be sedentary. We were built to take action. Our progenitors did whatever it took to survive, and those who preceded us were good at it-observe how many of us there are. Eventually, our species didn’t have to work so hard. Survival became easier and less time-consuming. Our quest then became to make life more comfortable. But comfort is not all it is cracked up to be. In fact, comfort can be self-defeating by making us lazy and oblivious to the fact that we may need the opposite.

A PECULIAR DISCOMFORT
I have had more than a few bouts of funk in my lifetime-ironically when, by most standards, I should’ve been the most at ease. It seems this funk occurs when my life is good. These experiences have caused me to reflect on the ‘why’ and make changes. My first experience with the state of funk led me to terminate my PhD studies and open my own flooring store; then my so-called midlife crisis caused me to walk away and leave that family flooring business and change jobs. Another time, my funk motivated me to enter politics. I spent two years serving on the planning and zoning commission for the city in which I was living at the time and six years as an elected member of the city council. Yet another instance was when I left Mohawk Industries as dean of Mohawk University to start my own training and consulting company. Each time, the changes I made reinvigorated my life with personal growth and a substantial increase in personal satisfaction.

If you have lived long enough, you have probably experienced funk too, even when it seemed your life was working and going well. Figuring out what change is needed in those times can be difficult. It’s easier to recognize the need for change when life is chaotic, stressful or full of problems. When things are working well, what to do next is not always intuitive. We are all so different; we have different needs because we each have a unique mixture of DNA and God-given talents. How we were raised and nurtured-our choices, personal experiences, habits of thinking and acting-all accentuate our differences. Even identical twins are not exactly the same. That’s why your journey through life is a personal one. You must never follow the beaten path; you must create your own.

Who would have thought that, at almost 80 years old, I would have an old-man crisis? My age cohort is shown to be the most satisfied of all age groups. Being retired, in good health, an empty nester and no longer needing to work to provide for my family lifts a burden off my shoulders that I have carried since my teenage years. I live a very comfortable life, but lately, I have felt restless, a little depressed, maybe even dissatisfied with my life and, sometimes, completely bored. My funk evaporates when I’m biking, hiking, traveling and visiting family. You would think that those things ought to be enough to keep me happy, but we are complex humans who need a complex menu of choices to optimize our living. Obviously, I needed something more.

So, what do we do when a state of funk or just plain dissatisfaction permeates our lives? We fill our plate with additional options and choices. We test their effectiveness on eliminating our funk.

FINDING COMFORT
In this column, I am offering a list of human needs you could experiment with and evaluate their effectiveness to relieve a potential negative state.

Self-awareness: First and foremost, you need to become introspective and spend time trying to understand yourself better. Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” A man who knows himself can step outside of himself and watch his own reactions like an observer. Since there is no panacea for funk, you must know yourself better than anyone else. You need to be clear about what you want and need, what’s important to you, what motivates you, what actions bring you joy, what you would do if you knew you could not fail and what you like. Lack of self-awareness is the number one cause of failure. Knowing what you need and want helps you filter the list of all your potential choices. For instance, choosing a career is critical. Most of us rarely get it right the first time. I believe that the quest to find our perfect career is our life’s work. As we grow, we evolve and change. What we need in our 20s may not be right for us in our 50s.

An outlet for your talents: I believe that much of the funk I have experienced was caused by natural talents I had but was not using or developing. God-given talents or gifts unexpressed or undeveloped can sabotage our personal sense of harmony. As you experience life, notice what activities resonate with you and bring you joy. You are probably naturally good at doing them, and as you do them, you get better at them. That’s why you fill your plate, trying as many things as you can in your youth to find out what you are attracted to and good at, be it music, art, sports, entertainment, engineering, medicine, writing or composing.

Exercise: We were not built to sit. When you are in a state of funk, the very first thing you should do is get up off your butt. Your body needs movement, especially exercise. It does as much for your mind as your body. Exercise breaks up funk and depression; it distracts your mind from ruminating about the state you are in. Upgrading my exercise routine and schedule lowered my funk. It was the first thing I did. So, get physical!

Play: You evolved to adulthood through play. You learned your key life skills by playing. You were meant to have fun. It’s tough to maintain your funk when you are laughing and having a good time. Having fun with your children is the best thing you can do to build better relationships, and that extends to your friends, too. I am having so much fun learning to play pickleball with new friends. I come home physically exhausted and happy-no funk. But beware: Using play as an excuse to procrastinate about more important actions can increase your funky moments.

Connections: “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We need others in our lives. Loneliness breeds funk and depression. Some of us need more connections than others, but it’s impossible to have too many friends. We need others for inspiration and to nurture us-to tell us the truth, to kick our butts when it’s needed, to mentor and coach us. We need others to serve and to help refine our purpose. Fun is no fun alone. Joining Kiwanis, the service club, added great dimension in my life when I was in my 40s. Today, my new friends with whom I play pickleball are a blast and a joy. Could you use a new friend or two? Try taking up pickleball or joining a club.

Goals/Vision: We are meant to do and achieve hard things. Goals and vision clarify what kind of future we want, and long-term thinking is what motivates us to achieve hard things. Anything that’s hard requires discipline to accomplish. Discipline, in essence, is the ability to delay gratification for a future desired result. It’s the single most critical attribute of successful living. Everything I do is about my ultimate goal: to live to age 90 so that I can celebrate a 50th anniversary with my wife. That goal provides me with the discipline to exercise, eat properly, see the doctor regularly, etc. “Do not take even one step in a direction you don’t want to go,” said Dr. Russell M. Nelson. What is your life goal? What are your goals for 2024?

Learning: We begin learning the day we are born, and it is a forever process. Learning develops our brain. Achieving a hard goal, mastering a difficult skill, even fine-tuning a personal talent or gift is cathartic. Learning is not easy; it’s hard work. But, of course, that is what we were built for. Lifelong learning gives us dignity and makes life fulfilling. I had a funk attack 20 years ago and treated it with a semester of anthropology, psychology and accounting. Those classes stretched me and made me uncomfortable, but they did cure my funk. Is there a class that you would like to take? What skill or language would you like to master?

Adventure: My hashtag is #adventurebeforedementia. I have no funk when I am living life as an adventure. “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing,” said Helen Keller. For me, adventure means exploring new lands and new cultures, hiking and biking to new places, discovering new restaurants, making new friends, learning new things. I can bring adventure into my home by watching exciting documentaries and learning to do new things by watching how-to videos. I can do the same by reading a good book. Curiosity breeds adventure. What adventure could you add to your plate?

Purpose: Finding meaning or purpose is a human’s pinnacle need. Ironically, it’s not about what we get, it’s what we give back. It’s about leaving a legacy and making a difference, or at least a dent. The third thing I did to remove my recent funk was to commit to donating 12 hours a week of my time to help the unemployed find meaningful work. I assist them in writing their resumes, searching for jobs, networking and preparing for interviews. Doing something meaningful does more for me than for anyone I serve. What could you do that would make a difference?

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